#1 I do not have one. 
#2 Well, I've never been drunk... 
#3 HA! Okay, I'm secretly an alien spy sent from Pluto. Er. My people were incredibly pissed when you discounted our planet so we're trying to figure out a way to blow up discount Earth as a planet to us. Or something. I never was a very good listener.
#4 Huh, yup, never kissed anybody that wasn't family-no, not like that, creeper. In that case, that was my papa years ago(god, I used to always kiss his cheek and it was so fucking stubbly>>)...uhm. He was a cook in the Navy:)