[in another state of mind]

2012-02-15T20:13:00.000-05:00

2012-02-15T18:09:00.002-05:00

i don't know the words but i'll hum along

2012-02-15T10:26:00.000-05:00

shelovestoread asks:

"If you had to pick only 5 books to read ever again, what would they be and why?"

I can't think of too many individual whys right now but the main reason for choosing these books are amazing writing styles and great plot & character developments.

The Green Mile by Stephen King

This is my all-time favourite book, even though I've only read it once (although do want to reread it again this year).

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk

Another favourite, although not second to the The Green Mile. I really love Palahniuk's writing style and characters, and this one (and Pygmy) had, in my opinion, the best of both :)

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Also a favourite (seeing a pattern here?). I love reading about true crime and Capote wrote this extremely well. He had me feeling for the criminals so much more than the victims...er, sounds wrong, I know, but it's the way he writes the story and the characters (and focusing a bit more on the criminals than the victimes, which I thought was a great way to approach the story).

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

I lovelovelove this book. I love the characters, especially the main duo. Another great presentation of well-written character-development...er. I just keep repeating the same crap, now...

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban bu JK Rowling

I love the whole series, but I've read this more than ten times haha. I started reading the books when they first came out--the librarian knew about my love and at book fairs was ready to show me anything Harry Potter related (going so far as to give me a free copy of PoA when my copy was stolen out of her desk; she didn't have to replace but, but she did, and hey, not complaining:). Ugh. I can't explain my love for this series, it's just so wonderful and amazing:D

2012-02-15T01:21:00.000-05:00

2012-02-10T00:24:00.001-05:00

2012-02-07T21:24:00.001-05:00

2012-02-05T16:29:00.003-05:00

my heart's been broken into two

and rusted from years of disuse

2012-02-04T21:50:00.002-05:00

2012-02-03T11:40:00.001-05:00

2012-01-31T00:20:00.000-05:00

2012-01-25T14:29:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had so much to say that your mouth closed up tight
struggling to harness the nuclear force coalescing within your words?
Have you ever had so many thoughts churning inside you that
you didn’t dare let them escape in case they blew you wide open?
Have you ever been so angry that you couldn’t look in the mirror
for fear of finding the face of evil glaring back at you?
~~
Ellen Hopkins

2012-01-20T13:32:00.003-05:00

But the world was not this bed.
The world was cement-cold and jaggedly sharp.
The world was filled with monsters who'd once been babies,
who'd started as zygotes in the womb,
who'd emerged from woman in the only miracle the twentieth century has left,
yet emerged angry or twisted or destined to be so.
How many other lovers had lain similar cocoons, similar beds, and felt what we had now?
How many monsters had they produced?
And how many victims?
(Dennis Lehane-Gone, Baby, Gone)

2012-01-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

2012-01-17T16:35:00.001-05:00

2012-01-17T16:32:00.000-05:00

A book with a topographical feature (land formation) in the title:

A book with something you'd see in the sky in the title:

A book with a creepy crawly in the title:

A book with a type of house in the title:
A book with something you'd carry in your pocket, purse, or backpack in the title:

A book with a something you'd find on a calendar in the title:

2012-01-17T14:24:00.000-05:00

do you remember when we were just kids and cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss?
schoolyard conversations taken to heart and laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not

i wanna break every clock the hands of time could never move again
we could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
for the rest of our lives is it over now hey hey is it over now

i wanna be your last first kiss that you'll ever have i wanna be your last first kiss
amazing how life turns out the way that it does
we end up hurting the worst the only ones we really love

Interview, Part 2

2012-01-12T14:53:00.000-05:00

from Booking Through Thursday

1. What’s your favorite time of day to read?

I seem to read a lot more at night, or before I go to bed.

2. Do you read during breakfast? (Assuming you eat breakfast.)

No.

3. What’s your favorite breakfast food? (Noting that breakfast foods can be eaten any time of day.)

Toast with peanut butter or oatmeal.

4. How many hours a day would you say you read?

I have no idea. It definitely varies day by day, though.

5. Do you read more or less now than you did, say, 10 years ago?

I think I read more.

6. Do you consider yourself a speed reader?

I do read quicker at some times...

7. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

I have no idea. Probably invisibility or the ability to teleport.

8. Do you carry a book with you everywhere you go?

No, but I would if I had a bag to carry with me.

9. What KIND of book?

...

10. How old were you when you got your first library card?

I have no idea.

11. What’s the oldest book you have in your collection? (Oldest physical copy? Longest in the collection? Oldest copyright?)

Oh wow. I'm actually not too sure since I have a lot of used books in my collection.

12. Do you read in bed?

Yup.

13. Do you write in your books?

No.

14. If you had one piece of advice to a new reader, what would it be?

Give every book a chance. Don't quit at the beginning if it's boring--just keep reading because a lot of the time it gets more interesting as the story goes on. And, obviously, don't judge a book by its cover :)

15. What question have I NOT asked at BTT that you’d love me to ask? (Actually, leave the answer to this one in the comments on this post, huh? So I can find them when I need inspiration!)

I've only just started following, so I have no idea :/

2012-01-11T17:40:00.002-05:00

People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next “horrifying” event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound “heals” it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, ‘Let the scarring begin.’
--

George Carlin

2011 part two

2012-01-11T15:47:00.002-05:00

just stuff i watched/read to this year:)

so i had wanted to finish fifty novels this year but i didnt quite make it. i decided to count rereads in the end and with those included managed to read forty-eight out of fifty, which isn't too bad :) i read a lot of chuck palahniuk and dennis lehane, both very great authors. with movies, not including rewatches, i watched 116 out my 100 goal. holy crap. i seem like such a loser. i was watching a lot of casey affleck, joaquin phoenix, and norman reedus stuff this year--very great actors you should check out. ironically enough, i spent new year's eve watching walk the line :) that film is amazing. joaquin phoenix and reese witherspoon are brilliant in it.

under the cut because they're long lists

*=recommended (books&movies(new watches/reads only))

BOOKS

bold=new read; italics=reread; strikeout=not counted(comic book or graphic novel)

JANUARY
    Book of Sketches JACK KEROUAC
    Brains: A Zombie Memoir ROBIN BECKER
    ~~Fantastic Four 1234~~
    My Boring Ass Life: the Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith
    Palo Alto JAMES FRANCO
    *Subterraneans JACK KEROUAC
    ~~The Walking Dead Book 1~~

FEBRUARY
    ~~Detective Comics-Batman: Blind Justice issues 598-600~~
    Fight Club CHUCK PALAHNIUK
    *Psycho ROBERT BLOCH
    Rumble Fish SE HINTON
    ~~X-Men Evolution~~

MARCH
    ~~Batman: Heart of Hush~~
    ~~Batman International~~
    ~~Batman: Jekyll and Hyde~~
    ~~Batman: Widening Gyre~~
    ~~Batman: The Wrath~~
    How to Survive a Horror Movie : all the Skills to Dodge the Kills SETH GRAHAME-SMITH
    Invisible Monsters CHUCK PALAHNIUK
    *Iron Horse ALLEN GINSBERG
    Morality & Blockade Billy STEPHEN KING (combined)
    On the Road JACK KEROUAC
    ~~The Joker: the Greatest Stories Ever Told~~
    ~~The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (adapted from the novel by L. Frank Baum)~~
    ~~X2: X-Men United comic book adaption~~

APRIL
    *A Clockwork Orange ANTHONY BURGESS
    ~~All Star Batman and Robin: the Boy Wonder #1~~
    ~~Batman & Robin: Batman reborn~~
    ~~Batman: R.I.P.~~
    CSI: The Killing Jar DONN CORTEZ
    CSI NY: Four Walls KEITH R.A. DeCANDIDO

MAY
    ~~Boondock Saints In Nomine Patris vol. 3~~
    Cell STEPHEN KING
    ~~Here Comes...Daredevil...the Man without Fear! vol. 26~~
    Hannibal Rising THOMAS HARRIS
    *Into the Wild JOHN KRAKAUER
    *Nineteen Eighty-Four GEORGE ORWELL
    Of Mice and Men JOHN STEINBECK
    'salem's Lot STEPHEN KING

JUNE
    The Outsiders SE HINTON
    *Mystic River DENNIS LEHANE

JULY
    *A Drink Before the War DENNIS LEHANE
    Animal Farm GEORGE ORWELL
    Gone, Baby, Gone DENNIS LEHANE
    My Own Private Idhao: a Film by Gus van Sant
    ~~The Walking Dead Book 2~~
    ~~The Walking Dead Book 3~~

AUGUST
    Degrassi: Generations - The Official 411 KATHRYN ELLIS
    Einstein's Dreams ALAN LIGHTMAN
    *Pygmy CHUCK PALAHNIUK
    The Witch of Babylon D.J. MCINTOSH
    *Snuff CHUCK PALAHNIUK

SEPTEMBER
    ~~Cowboys and Aliens~~
    CSI: In Extremis KEN GODDARD
    *The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas JOHN BOYNE
    Moonlight Mile DENNIS LEHANE

OCTOBER
    Choke CHUCK PALAHNIUK
    Survivor CHUCK PALAHNIUK
    Zombies: an Illustrated History of the Undead JOVANKA VUCKOVIC

NOVEMBER
    Lullaby CHUCK PALAHNIUK
    Oleanna DAVID MAMET
    *The Crucible: a Play in Four Parts ARTHUR MILLER
    *The Moon is Down: a play in two parts & Of Mice and Men: a play in three acts JOHN STEINBECK (combined)

DECEMBER
    *Brave New World ALDOUS HUXLEY
    The Catcher in the Rye
    *The World's Shortest Stories edited by STEVE MOSS; illustrated by GLEN STARKEY

MOVIES

bold=first watched this year

8mm
*2001: A Space Odyssey
A Clockwork Orange
AI: Artificial Intelligence
A Night at the Movies: the Horrors of Stephen King
A Night at the Roxbury
A Nightmare on Elm Street 1984
A Walk to Remember
Airplane!
*American History X
American Wedding
Awake
Back to the Future
Be Kind Rewind
Bedtime Stories
Beetlejuice
Beyond Sherwood Forest
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
Black Christmas 1974
*Blade II (x2)
Blade Trinity
*Breakfast on Pluto
*Brick
Brokeback Mountain
Burn After Reading (x4)
Can't Hardly Wait
Catch and Release
*Charlie Bartlett
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Child's Play
Children of the Damned
*City Lights
*Cloverfield
Clown (short film)
Dawn of the Dead 1978
*Defiance
Delirious
Deliverance
Despicable Me
Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York
*Donnie Darko
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Dragonball Evolution
Drillbit Taylor
Eight Crazy Nights
*Elephant
*Empire Records
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
*Fahrenheit 451
Failure to Launch
Fanboys
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Flight of the Phoenix
Floating
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Four Brothers
Friday Night Lights
From Dusk til Dawn
From Dusk til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money
*Gerry
Giant
Gigantic
Gladiator
Gone Baby Gone (x2)
Good Luck Charlie: It's Christmas!
Good Will Hunting
Gossip
Grease (x2)
Grizzly Rage
Hall Pass
Halloween 1978
Harold and Kumar Escape Guantanamo Bay
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
House on Haunted Hill 1959
House on Haunted Hill 1999
How to Be a Serial Killer
*I'm Not There
I, Robot
I Am Number Four
I Know What You Did Last Summer
I Love You, Man
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
*I Walked with a Zombie
Jackass 2
Jailbait
Jersey Girl
Jurassic Park
Just My Luck
Kill Bill Vol. 1
Knocked Up (x2)
Lemonade Mouth
Lucky Number Slevin
Mallrats (x2)
Marley and Me
Mars Attacks!
Max Payne
Men in Black II
*Milk
Minor Details
Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire
*Moon
Mr. Popper's Penguins
My Bloody Valentine 2009
My Own Private Idaho
Mysterious Skin
*Mystic River
NYC: Tornado Terror
Night of the Living Dead
Observe and Report
Ocean's Eleven (x2)
Ocean's Thirteen
Ocean's Twelve
Ogre
Orphan
Panic Room
*Paul
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Pearl Harbour
Pineapple Express
Planet of the Apes 2001
Pleasantville
Poltergeist
Pretty in Pink
*Raising Arizona (x2)
Rebel Without A Cause (x2)
Red Canyon
*Repulsion
Resident Evil Degeneration
Revolutionary Road
Rumble Fish
Sand
Saving Silverman
Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo Pirates Ahoy!
Scooby Doo and the Samurai Sword
Scream 2
Se7en (x2)
Shaun of the Dead
*Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Signs (x4)
Spice World
Stan Lee's Mutants, Monsters and Marvels with Kevin Smith
Stand By Me (x2)
Star Trek 2009
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (x2)
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
*Sunshine
*Suspiria
Terminator Salvation
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003
The 40 Year Old Virgin
*The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (x3)
The Birds
The Blair With Project
The Body Snatcher
The Boondock Saints (x4)
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (x2)
*The Brother's Grimm (x5)
The Cake Eaters
The Day After Tomorrow
The Day the Earth Stood Still 1951
The Dukes of Hazzard
The Dukes of Hazzard: the Beginning
The Emperor's New Groove
The Goonies (x2)
The Green Hornet
The Guardian
The Hangover (x3)
The Haunting
The Hills Have Eyes 2 2007
The Hills Have Eyes 2006
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Hulk vs. Wolverine
*The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
The Invasion
The Invisible
The Killer Inside Me
The Losers
The Lost Boys
The Lost Boys: the Tribe
The Messengers 2: the Scarecrow
The Nightmare Before Christmas (x2)
The People Under the Stairs
*The Proposal (x2)
The Silence of the Lambs (x2)
The Simpsons Movie
The Talented Mr. Ripley (x2)
The Wizard
The Wizard of OZ (x2)
*To Die For
Tower Heist
*Trainspotting (x8)
Troy
Vacancy
Vacancy 2: the First Cut
Village of the Damned 1960
Village of the Damned 1995
Walking Tall
*Walk the Line (x2)
Walls (short film)
WarGames
We Own the Night
Whatever It Takes
X-Men
X-Men: First Class
X-Men: The Last Stand
X2: X-Men United
Your Highness
Zombieland

2011

2012-01-11T15:42:00.001-05:00

this is incredibly late...meant to post this earlier (end of 2011 actually) but stuff happened and i never got around to it...

so there was chriatmas (happy verybelated holidays! :P)

i was sick. a lot. oh my god. i think it's the weather mostly although i do get sick fairly often all the time...it just always seems more more often once winter hits blah :/

::so a week before christmas we (my mom, her boyfriend, and myself) went over to mark's parents for dinner because his sister was down that week with her husband and kids. and christ, those kids are adorable lol. uhm so yeah it was hilarious though because janet (mark's mom) was constantly apologizing about there not being enough for me to eat and john (mark's dad) thought i wasn't eating enough because i don't eat meat. seriously i don't starve without meat on my plate :P and then christmas we went over to my uncle's place for a get together. it was pretty boring actually but eh. and then christmas day we were here in the morning giving out gifts--our 'tree' this year was a pink poinsettia my mom got from work because our dog's bed is now in the living room so there was no space for anything. i was actually pretty happy about chistmas this year because a month prior i worked 3 days at a toy sale so i actually had money to get other people gifts--books for my one best friend; toys and treats for my dog; chocolate for my brother; chocolate, lotto card gift pack, and timmies card for my mom; and chocolate, a toy car, and a timmies card for my mom's bf; and me and cort just filled a bag with stuff for cheryl since we really didn't know what to get her :) and then my aunt and cousin came over in the afternoon and then we all went to mark's parents for dinner. and no, i did not starve then either (although janet made more veg and potatoes for me because she knew i was going over) :P

for christmas i got from shadow i believe (since santa claus no longer exists i now get presents from the dog...) chocolate, socks, underwear, slippers, a green!sweater, a scooby-doo t-shirt, and dude where's my car? on dvd (which i already owned so i just gave it to my brother) and my mom and her bf got me a monitor that works as a tv and computer monitor which is pretty cool. uh my aunt got me a box of turtles because i bought her the final girl with the blah blah book and wouldn't accept her money for it lol. my one friend cort got me a shit ton of movies lol--Scooby Doo and the Ghosts, Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf, Scooby Doo and the Robots, Scooby Doo and the Zombies on DVD, and then Batman and Robin, Psycho, and LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring on VHS, and my other friend got me Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium on DVD :)

and uh that week after christmas i was sick so yeah i didn't do much but i did spend two days watching the merlin marathons on space and i fell in love with the show haha. they marathoned s1 on wednesday, then s2 on thursday :P uh pretty addicted to the show now...

second: my birthday :O i turned 21 (january 2) and dude. i feel so fucking old.

::It wasn't too bad, minus the fact that mother nature gave me the greatest gift ever. Blah. The week before, though, my mom bought me an ereader for my birthday :) I'd actually been against them at first, because I love books so much. But my aunt got herself one for Christmas and it seemed really cool. It's also a great and easy way to get books from the library, as well as whatever other free ebooks you can find online--if I'm going to spend money on a book, it's going to be spent on an actual book, not an ebook:P I hung out with Cort on my birthday--met her at the mall and went to the grocery store to pick up a of couple things, and then we came back here, played some board games, and took my dog on a walk :D She got me this really adorable stuffed penguin that my idiot dog kept trying to eat, as well as X-Men Origins: Wolverine and X-Men: the Last Stand on DVD :D I realized I already had the first two on DVD so my collection there is going somewhere :P

Ugh. So goodbye 2011. You kinda (really) sucked. I really do hope 2012 will be better :/

mix-death; my system could work

2012-01-10T13:38:00.000-05:00

thrice - the artist in the ambulance

thursday - resuscitation of a dead man

alexisonfire - accidents

moneen - the politics of living and the shame in dying

box car racer - letters to god

funeral for a friend - hospitality

white lies - death

chopin - funeral march

2012-01-10T11:16:00.002-05:00

you gotta burn that building down
i would love to see that world
come crashing down
then the people under could
come crawling out
see the sun for the first time
it would burn them without a doubt
but that burn would feel so good
so warm
it would let them finally feel life
and be born again

2012-01-07T20:28:00.003-05:00

"Have a heart that never hardens,

a temper that never tires,

a touch that never hurts."
--

Charles Dickens

2011-12-13T00:17:00.001-05:00

2011-12-09T10:34:00.001-05:00

2011-12-08T10:04:00.001-05:00

what would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
--
vincent van gogh

2011-12-07T14:46:00.001-05:00

so sing to me your darkest secrets time to leave behind your regrets

this carrion has been forgotten left for dead in the sun rotting

the answers lie here in this tragedy it ends when you and me

we're dragged from the light into the night

we have been warned which way this storm is gonna blow

but where the rip tide takes us to we'll never know
now you're screaming out for jesus

send for anyone please save us

before we get lost in the blink of an eye

2011-12-07T11:03:00.001-05:00

2011-12-06T21:27:00.001-05:00

"If the occurrence of rape were audible, its decibel level equal to its frequency, it would overpower

our days and nights, interrupt our meals, our bedtime stories, howl behind our love-making, an

insistent jackhammer of distress. We would demand an end to it. And if we failed to locate its

source, we would condemn the whole structure. We would refuse to live under such conditions."
--

Patricia Weaver Francisco

2011-12-04T22:28:00.001-05:00

there's so much oxygen that i forgot to breathe

2011-12-04T11:12:00.001-05:00

and you hold that sound a chance for you to never let go
and you want what's mine a life worth living
and you watch the world watch it all crumble down
but you'll hold that sound before you let go

2011-12-03T20:34:00.001-05:00

1-5 CHARACTER
6-10 CONFLICT
11-15 HURT/PAIN
16-20 SETTING/JOURNEY

2011-12-01T12:55:00.001-05:00

“What are these scars from?” she asked.
“They’re battle wounds,” I replied.
She looked at me for a long time.“Who were you battling?”
“Myself.”

2011-12-01T09:29:00.001-05:00

you reach your breaking point then you're broken
you heal but its never like before

2011-11-20T09:14:00.001-05:00

2011-11-18T06:29:00.001-05:00

I thought maybe you'd succumbed
I almost did succumb, but then I turbanned up, and I feel a lot better

2011-11-15T15:21:00.001-05:00

2011-11-14T22:21:00.001-05:00

2011-11-14T13:13:00.001-05:00

An old Cherokee Indian was speaking to his grandson: “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a long minute, and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

2011-11-12T22:28:00.001-05:00

Movie Screenshots: Talented Mr. Ripley, The (1999)

2011-11-07T15:53:00.000-05:00

Movie Screenshots: Talented Mr. Ripley, The (1999)

2011-11-07T13:17:00.001-05:00

"Hello," she said, and motioned for me to follow her. "It's okay. I'll protect you."

I knew it was a lie but I followed her into the woods.

It was just after noon but the forest was dark; not even the tiniest sliver of light shone through the canopy of leaves above. It was silent as well, too silent--there should have been the sounds of birds flying above or nesting in the trees, of land-bound animals scurrying across the forest floor, but there was only the laboured inhalations of my own breathing; I was scared and trying not to show it--I knew was in a dangerous place.

It seemed I knew a lot about the things that could harm me but was trying my hardest not to avoid them.

The girl suddenly stopped and so did I. She turned around and looked directly at me. Her pale, oval face shone in the darkness, a small smile reflected in the lower half--she seemed happy at first glance, but when you looked into her eyes you could see the vast, emotionless brown. She was staring so hard I thought that she could read my mind. What she said next only further cemented these thoughts in my mind: "You have nothing to be afraid of. The forest is always this quiet. It's normal."

I nodded my head slowly but kept quiet.

As she spoke, the silence around us had amplified--her voice had been the only sound in the forest and it sounded wrong and terrifying without the background noises accompanying it. I didn't want to hear my own voice in the same light.

"Follow me," she said again. I did, of course--I couldn't stop and turn back now; I had come too far. Being in the woods still felt unsafe, but the urge to keep followingr the girl was too strong. I ignored the voice in my head telling me to turn back and moved forward.

As I continued on this strange hike a thought went quickly through my head--I've been here before--but it vanished as suddenly as it had appeared. As I looked around the clearing,though, I realized that this place was familiar. I had had a recurring dream about this place often over the past year.

In the dream I would always move toward a large pond or lake situated at the far edge of the clearing, except I would always wake up the minute my feet reached the edge of the water. I moved forward. I wouldn't wake up before hitting the water this time. When I reached the edge of the water I kept going until I sunk, and kept on sinking. I shut down my body, the voice in my head screaming for oxygen, and I allowed myself to drown.

A sense of calm enveloped me and I relaxed; white hot pain burned in my lungs with the lack of oxygen, but I did not struggle or attempt to swim to the surface. I don't think I wanted to. This was my happy ending.

2011-11-06T13:06:00.001-05:00

it's not your fault

that's what they all keep saying

ruining my sight

there's nothing left

why do i bother praying?

2011-11-05T15:12:00.001-04:00

oneword.com
prompt: tires

The tires squealed on the pavement, burning hot rubber and spinning uselessly as I tried to brake. It was a close call. Again. I seemed to be doing this a lot more lately, driving faster and faster and stopping only when I reached the edge of the lake. I wondered when I would stop caring, not stamp down on the brake pedal–and just keep going until I was at the bottom of the lake.

2011-11-05T13:54:00.000-04:00

001 Robin (Batman Forever/Batman&Robin)
002 The Breakfast Club
003-005 Criminal Minds
006 Captain Spaulding (House of 1000 Corpses/Devil's Rejects)
007 Donnie Darko
008-009 Dogma
010-014 Dawn of the Dead
015-017 Ferris Bueller's Day Off
018 Fight Club
019 Ghostface (Scream)
020 Brothers Grimm
021 Gerard Way
022-023 Good Will Hunting
024 Heath Ledger
025 Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th pt2etc.)
026 Jigsaw (Sawseries)
027 The Lost Boys
028 The Matrix
029-031 Peter Pan
032-033 Pump Up the Volume
034-039 Rookie Blue
040-056 Supernatural
057-059 Star Trek
060-064 Stock
065-073 The Black Donnellys
074 Thirteen Ghosts
075 Titanic

2011-11-04T22:17:00.001-04:00

2011-11-03T18:10:00.001-04:00

some of us will live our lives like we are just living life on the run

some of us will die in our old age others of us will die young

some of us will live our lives like we are just dragging our heals through the night

some of us will stay in the darkest holes and some of us will find the light

but sometimes it feels like i am just getting so many things wrong

it feels like i'm walking down my last mile and my god it just feels so long

2011-11-02T21:43:00.000-04:00

Hansel and Gretel by The Brothers Grimm

Hard by a great forest dwelt a poor wood-cutter with his wife and his two children. The boy was called Hansel and the girl Gretel. He had little to bite and to break, and once, when great dearth fell on the land, he could no longer procure even daily bread.

Now when he thought over this by night in his bed, and tossed about in his anxiety. He groaned and said to his wife, “What is to become of us? How are we to feed our poor children, when we no longer have anything even for ourselves?”

“I’ll tell you what, husband,” answered the woman, “early tomorrow morning we will take the children out into the forest to where it is the thickest. There we will light a fire for them, and give each of them one more piece of bread, and then we will go to our work and leave them alone. They will not find the way home again, and we shall be rid of them.”

“No, wife,” said the man, “I will not do that. How can I bear to leave my children alone in the forest? The wild animals would soon come and tear them to pieces.”

“Oh! you fool,” said she, “then we must all four die of hunger, you may as well plane the planks for our coffins,” and she left him no peace until he consented.

“But I feel very sorry for the poor children, all the same,” said the man.

The two children had also not been able to sleep for hunger, and had heard what their step-mother had said to their father. Gretel wept bitter tears, and said to Hansel, “Now all is over with us.”

“Be quiet, Gretel,” said Hansel, “do not distress yourself, I will soon find a way to help us.” And when the old folks had fallen asleep, he got up, put on his little coat, opened the door below, and crept outside.

< 2 >

The moon shone brightly, and the white pebbles which lay in front of the house glittered like real silver pennies. Hansel stooped and stuffed the little pocket of his coat with as many as he could get in. Then he went back and said to Gretel, “Be comforted, dear little sister, and sleep in peace, God will not forsake us,” and he lay down again in his bed.

When day dawned, but before the sun had risen, the woman came and awoke the two children, saying, “Get up, you sluggards. We are going into the forest to fetch wood.” She gave each a little piece of bread, and said, “There is something for your dinner, but do not eat it up before then, for you will get nothing else.”

Gretel took the bread under her apron, as Hansel had the pebbles in his pocket. Then they all set out together on the way to the forest.

When they had walked a short time, Hansel stood still and peeped back at the house, and did so again and again. His father said, “Hansel, what are you looking at there and staying behind for? Pay attention, and do not forget how to use your legs.”

“Ah, father,” said Hansel, “I am looking at my little white cat, which is sitting up on the roof, and wants to say good-bye to me.”

The wife said, “Fool, that is not your little cat, that is the morning sun which is shining on the chimneys.”

Hansel, however, had not been looking back at the cat, but had been constantly throwing one of the white pebble-stones out of his pocket on the road.

When they had reached the middle of the forest, the father said, “Now, children, pile up some wood, and I will light a fire that you may not be cold.”

Hansel and Gretel gathered brushwood together, as high as a little hill. The brushwood was lighted, and when the flames were burning very high, the woman said, “Now, children, lay yourselves down by the fire and rest, we will go into the forest and cut some wood. When we have done, we will come back and fetch you away.”

< 3 >

Hansel and Gretel sat by the fire, and when noon came, each ate a little piece of bread, and as they heard the strokes of the wood-axe they believed that their father was near. It was not the axe, however, but a branch which he had fastened to a withered tree which the wind was blowing backwards and forwards. And as they had been sitting such a long time, their eyes closed with fatigue, and they fell fast asleep.

When at last they awoke, it was already dark night. Gretel began to cry and said, “How are we to get out of the forest now?”

But Hansel comforted her and said, “Just wait a little, until the moon has risen, and then we will soon find the way.” And when the full moon had risen, Hansel took his little sister by the hand, and followed the pebbles which shone like newly-coined silver pieces, and showed them the way.

They walked the whole night long, and by break of day came once more to their father’s house. They knocked at the door, and when the woman opened it and saw that it was Hansel and Gretel, she said, “You naughty children, why have you slept so long in the forest? We thought you were never coming back at all.”

The father, however, rejoiced, for it had cut him to the heart to leave them behind alone.

Not long afterwards, there was once more great dearth throughout the land, and the children heard their mother saying at night to their father:

“Everything is eaten again, we have one half loaf left, and that is the end. The children must go, we will take them farther into the wood, so that they will not find their way out again. There is no other means of saving ourselves.”

The man’s heart was heavy, and he thought, “It would be better for you to share the last mouthful with your children.” The woman, however, would listen to nothing that he had to say, but scolded and reproached him. He who says a must say b, likewise, and as he had yielded the first time, he had to do so a second time also.

< 4 >

The children, however, were still awake and had heard the conversation. When the old folks were asleep, Hansel again got up, and wanted to go out and pick up pebbles as he had done before, but the woman had locked the door, and Hansel could not get out. Nevertheless he comforted his little sister, and said, “Do not cry, Gretel, go to sleep quietly, the good God will help us.”

Early in the morning came the woman, and took the children out of their beds. Their piece of bread was given to them, but it was still smaller than the time before. On the way into the forest Hansel crumbled his in his pocket, and often stood still and threw a morsel on the ground.

“Hansel, why do you stop and look round?” Said the father. “Go on.”

“I am looking back at my little pigeon which is sitting on the roof, and wants to say good-bye to me, answered Hansel.

“Fool.” Said the woman, “That is not your little pigeon, that is the morning sun that is shining on the chimney.”

Hansel, however, little by little, threw all the crumbs on the path. The woman led the children still deeper into the forest, where they had never in their lives been before.

Then a great fire was again made, and the mother said, “Just sit there, you children, and when you are tired you may sleep a little. We are going into the forest to cut wood, and in the evening when we are done, we will come and fetch you away.”

When it was noon, Gretel shared her piece of bread with Hansel, who had scattered his by the way. Then they fell asleep and evening passed, but no one came to the poor children.

They did not awake until it was dark night, and Hansel comforted his little sister and said, “Just wait, Gretel, until the moon rises, and then we shall see the crumbs of bread which I have strewn about, they will show us our way home again.”

< 5 >

When the moon came they set out, but they found no crumbs, for the many thousands of birds which fly about in the woods and fields had picked them all up. Hansel said to Gretel, “We shall soon find the way.”

But they did not find it. They walked the whole night and all the next day too from morning till evening, but they did not get out of the forest, and were very hungry, for they had nothing to eat but two or three berries, which grew on the ground. And as they were so weary that their legs would carry them no longer, they lay down beneath a tree and fell asleep.

It was now three mornings since they had left their father’s house. They began to walk again, but they always came deeper into the forest, and if help did not come soon, they must die of hunger and weariness. When it was mid-day, they saw a beautiful snow-white bird sitting on a bough, which sang so delightfully that they stood still and listened to it. And when its song was over, it spread its wings and flew away before them, and they followed it until they reached a little house, on the roof of which it alighted. And when they approached the little house they saw that it was built of bread and covered with cakes, but that the windows were of clear sugar.

“We will set to work on that,” said Hansel, “and have a good meal. I will eat a bit of the roof, and you Gretel, can eat some of the window, it will taste sweet.”

Hansel reached up above, and broke off a little of the roof to try how it tasted, and Gretel leant against the window and nibbled at the panes. Then a soft voice cried from the parlor -

“Nibble, nibble, gnaw

who is nibbling at my little house?”

< 6 >

The children answered -

“The wind, the wind,

the heaven-born wind,”

and went on eating without disturbing themselves. Hansel, who liked the taste of the roof, tore down a great piece of it, and Gretel pushed out the whole of one round window-pane, sat down, and enjoyed herself with it.

Suddenly the door opened, and a woman as old as the hills, who supported herself on crutches, came creeping out. Hansel and Gretel were so terribly frightened that they let fall what they had in their hands.

The old woman, however, nodded her head, and said, “Oh, you dear children, who has brought you here? Do come in, and stay with me. No harm shall happen to you.”

She took them both by the hand, and led them into her little house. Then good food was set before them, milk and pancakes, with sugar, apples, and nuts. Afterwards two pretty little beds were covered with clean white linen, and Hansel and Gretel lay down in them, and thought they were in heaven.

The old woman had only pretended to be so kind. She was in reality a wicked witch, who lay in wait for children, and had only built the little house of bread in order to entice them there. When a child fell into her power, she killed it, cooked and ate it, and that was a feast day with her. Witches have red eyes, and cannot see far, but they have a keen scent like the beasts, and are aware when human beings draw near. When Hansel and Gretel came into her neighborhood, she laughed with malice, and said mockingly, “I have them, they shall not escape me again.”

Early in the morning before the children were awake, she was already up, and when she saw both of them sleeping and looking so pretty, with their plump and rosy cheeks, she muttered to herself, that will be a dainty mouthful.

< 7 >

Then she seized Hansel with her shrivelled hand, carried him into a little stable, and locked him in behind a grated door. Scream as he might, it would not help him. Then she went to Gretel, shook her till she awoke, and cried, “Get up, lazy thing, fetch some water, and cook something good for your brother, he is in the stable outside, and is to be made fat. When he is fat, I will eat him.”

Gretel began to weep bitterly, but it was all in vain, for she was forced to do what the wicked witch commanded. And now the best food was cooked for poor Hansel, but Gretel got nothing but crab-shells. Every morning the woman crept to the little stable, and cried, “Hansel, stretch out your finger that I may feel if you will soon be fat.”

Hansel, however, stretched out a little bone to her, and the old woman, who had dim eyes, could not see it, and thought it was Hansel’s finger, and was astonished that there was no way of fattening him.

When four weeks had gone by, and Hansel still remained thin, she was seized with impatience and would not wait any longer.

“Now, then, Gretel,” she cried to the girl, “stir yourself, and bring some water. Let Hansel be fat or lean, to-morrow I will kill him, and cook him.”

Ah, how the poor little sister did lament when she had to fetch the water, and how her tears did flow down her cheeks. “Dear God, do help us,” she cried. “If the wild beasts in the forest had but devoured us, we should at any rate have died together.”

“Just keep your noise to yourself,” said the old woman, “it won’t help you at all.”

Early in the morning, Gretel had to go out and hang up the cauldron with the water, and light the fire.

< 8 >

“We will bake first,” said the old woman, “I have already heated the oven, and kneaded the dough.” She pushed poor Gretel out to the oven, from which flames of fire were already darting. “Creep in,” said the witch, “and see if it properly heated, so that we can put the bread in.” And once Gretel was inside, she intended to shut the oven and let her bake in it, and then she would eat her, too.

But Gretel saw what she had in mind, and said, “I do not know how I am to do it. How do I get in?”

“Silly goose,” said the old woman, “the door is big enough. Just look, I can get in myself.” And she crept up and thrust her head into the oven.

Then Gretel gave her a push that drove her far into it, and shut the iron door, and fastened the bolt. Oh. Then she began to howl quite horribly, but Gretel ran away, and the godless witch was miserably burnt to death. Gretel, however, ran like lightning to Hansel, opened his little stable, and cried, “Hansel, we are saved. The old witch is dead.”

Then Hansel sprang like a bird from its cage when the door is opened. How they did rejoice and embrace each other, and dance about and kiss each other. And as they had no longer any need to fear her, they went into the witch’s house, and in every corner there stood chests full of pearls and jewels.

“These are far better than pebbles.” Said Hansel, and thrust into his pockets whatever could be got in.

And Gretel said, “I, too, will take something home with me,” and filled her pinafore full.

“But now we must be off,” said Hansel, “that we may get out of the witch’s forest.”

When they had walked for two hours, they came to a great stretch of water.

< 9 >

“We cannot cross,” said Hansel, “I see no foot-plank, and no bridge.

“And there is also no ferry,” answered Gretel, “but a white duck is swimming there. If I ask her, she will help us over.” Then she cried -

“Little duck, little duck, dost thou see,

Hansel and Gretel are waiting for thee.

There’s never a plank, or bridge in sight,

take us across on thy back so white.”

The duck came to them, and Hansel seated himself on its back, and told his sister to sit by him.

“No,” replied Gretel, “that will be too heavy for the little duck. She shall take us across, one after the other.”

The good little duck did so, and when they were once safely across and had walked for a short time, the forest seemed to be more and more familiar to them, and at length they saw from afar their father’s house. Then they began to run, rushed into the parlor, and threw themselves round their father’s neck. The man had not known one happy hour since he had left the children in the forest. The woman, however, was dead. Gretel emptied her pinafore until pearls and precious stones ran about the room, and Hansel threw one handful after another out of his pocket to add to them. Then all anxiety was at an end, and they lived together in perfect happiness.

My tale is done, there runs a mouse, whosoever catches it, may make himself a big fur cap out of it.

2011-11-02T13:33:00.000-04:00

2011-10-31T01:13:00.002-04:00

2011-10-28T15:17:00.000-04:00

2011-10-26T22:18:00.005-04:00

"And then some guy wandering as lost as you would all of a sudden be right before your eyes, his face bigger and clearer than you ever saw a man’s face before in your life. Your eyes were working so hard to see in that fog that when something did come in sight every detail was ten times as clear as usual, so clear both of you had to look away. When a man showed up you didn’t want to look at his face and he didn’t want to look at yours, because it’s painful to see somebody so clear that it’s like looking inside him, but then neither did you want to look away and lose him completely. You had a choice: you could either strain and look at things that appeared in front of you in the fog, painful as it might be, or you could relax and lose yourself.”
--

Ken Kesey

2011-10-23T19:27:00.000-04:00

for the zombiewalk earlier--me and my best friend went as failed zombiebusters :)

book sale earlier i wound up spending $6 because my first bag broke when i shoved one too many hardcover books in it
but i got: American Gangsters by Max Allan Collins, Vol. 2 Police Procedurals, House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III, Strange but True by John Searles, The Power of Darkness - Tales of Terror by Edith Nesbit, Uncanny Storiees by May Sinclair, The Truth Machine: a Speculative Novel by James L. Halperin, Falconer and the Great Beast by Ian Morson, The Tenth Planet by Edmund Cooper, The Red Scream by Mary Willis Walker, Murder on the Run, The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla by Stephen King, The Crow: Shattered Lives and Broken Dreams, and Roswell High novels 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, & 10.

2011-10-22T23:01:00.001-04:00

2011-10-22T22:48:00.003-04:00

went to a book sale last night. spent $17. got:

The Complete Sherlock Holmes volumes 1 and 2 & The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Desperation & Needful Things by Stephen King, Eaters of the Dead & the Terminal Man by Michael Crichton, The Grays by Whitley Strieber, Tales of Mystery by Edgar Allan Poe, Alien Stories 2 by Dennis Pepper, Batman: Death Mask by Yoshinori Natsume, Velocity by Dean Koontz, Mystic River by Dennis Lehane, The Invisible Man by HG Wells, Shadowland by Peter Straub, Dracula by Bram Stoker, and 12 Monkeys by Elizabeth Hand

i have $3 left so me and my best friend and heading back tomorrow for the fill a grocery bag for $3 deal going on.

2011-10-15T22:39:00.003-04:00

"'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part."

2011-10-15T12:03:00.000-04:00

and i drift quietly through the thick of tree leaves

my mind slowly separates from my body

days late and i'm not around now i don't care

dreamscapes escape all my thoughts

awake i dream of a fate i cannot escape

now it's too late time dies in straight lines

waiting and i can't take anything

i try to believe everything but i can't

follow me again out from everything

the dark skies that i dreamt

are all lies i have meant

2011-10-13T14:41:00.001-04:00

This is not the end of the world.

This is the end of the human race.

Four years ago there were billions of people inhabiting planet Earth, waking up every day and breathing in the poisonous air, going to work or school, coming home and falling asleep only to wake up and do it all over again.

There are only one thousand forty-five people left now, and they sleep only when it's necessary--and all that means is that they fall asleep when their minds and bodies start shutting down (sleeping is dangerous too much could happen when you're not aware of anything going on around you)--and nobody goes to school or work anymore.

The air is still poisoned, probably more poisoned now that the dead are roaming around, but everybody has to breathe to stay alive.

2011-10-10T21:48:00.004-04:00

I'm doing this all now because I'm bored, the questions are fun, and I know I'll most likely keep forgetting to do this on a daily basis.

Day 01 - A horror film that no one would expect you to love, but you do?

I'm not really sure.

Day 02 - The horror film that you relate most to

I don't relate to any.

Day 03 - Your favorite slasher

Jason Voorhees.

Day 04 - Your favorite werewolf film

I've hardly seen any.

Day 05 - Your favorite monster movie

Again, I've hardly seen any.

Day 06 - Your favorite vampire movie

The Forsaken

Day 07 - Your favorite supernatural horror film

Poltergeist

Day 08 - Your favorite anthology

I'm not sure I've seen any.

Day 09 - Your favorite exploitation / grind house type film

Ah, I'm quite certain The Devil's Rejects fits right into this genre.

Day 10 - Your favorite psychological horror film

The Silence of the Lambs

Day 11 - Your favorite science fiction horror film

28 Days Later

Day 12 - Your favorite horror film involving the occult
I don't know.

Day 13 - Your favorite horror comedy
Shaun of the Dead

Day 14 - Your favorite zombie film
1974 Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Fido, Shaun of the Dead

Day 15 - Your favorite horror film involving serial killers
Hm, this is too specific--a lot of horror killers could be considered serial killers.

Day 16 - Your favorite childhood themed horror film
Childhood-themed?

Day 17 - Your favorite horror film remake
Although I have yet to see the original, I thoroughly enjoyed The Hills Have Eyes remake.

Day 18 - Your favorite foreign horror film (outside of your country of origin)
I'm in Canada, so quite a few films would count as foreign based on your question.

Day 19 - Your favorite horror film involving the powers of Hell or Satanism
I'm not too sure...

Day 20 - Your favorite horror film involving a killer animal
Aw. Cujo :(

Day 21 - Your favorite medical horror film
Hm, I don't know.

Day 22 - Your favorite horror themed TV show
Supernatural

Day 23 - Your favorite made for TV horror film
I have no idea.

Day 24 - Horror film in which you prefer the edited version over the director’s cut
I have no idea.

Day 25 - A horror film that you used to hate, but now like
I never used to hate it, but I was terrified of Scream when I was younger after watching the second film--I could never use public washrooms without feeling terrified, haha. Uhm. And then I watched Scary Movie, and now love the Scream series and Ghostface (Billy and Stu from the first are my favourites) :D

Day 26 - Your favorite horror film to watch as a child
I never had a favourite to watch...I just watched whatever my brother or cousin would put on.

Day 27 - Your favorite guilty pleasure
I don't have any.

Day 28 - Your favorite horror film that no one’s ever heard of
I'm sure that's not even possible. But maybe Fido or The Frightening as a lesser known film.

Day 29 - Your least favorite horror film of all time
I'm not sure. I didn't really like The Ring.

Day 30 - Your favorite horror film of all time
The Forsaken! :D

2011-10-10T20:27:00.001-04:00

2011-10-08T16:09:00.000-04:00

2011-10-08T13:22:00.001-04:00

2011-10-04T22:42:00.002-04:00

"I’m not fascinated by people who smile all the time. What I find interesting is the way people look when they are lost in thought, when their face becomes angry or serious, when they bite their lip, the way they glance, the way they look down when they walk, when they are alone and smoking a cigarette, when they smirk, the way they half smile, the way they try and hold back tears, the way when their face says they want to say something but can’t, the way they look at someone they want or love…I love the way people look when they do these things. It’s…beautiful."

—

Unknown

2011-10-03T23:40:00.000-04:00

2011-10-03T21:05:00.001-04:00

Concert last night kicked ass. The Black Pacific came on, and they were really great--I love Pennywise so it's nice to see Jim up there playing :) Great music, and they sound pretty okay live as well. Flogging Molly went up next--great band, love their music--and they sounded amazing. And then Rise Against! I fucking love this band so much, it was fucking great to get to see them live--thanks very much to FM96 for the tickets :D They were amazing live. Just...the energy this band had up there, and the energy of the crowd, it was great. During The Black Pacific the only people standing were the people on the floor; during Flogging Molly it was essentially the same save for a few drunk guys down in the front row and about five sitting in front of me and my friend--literally every time anyone in that group left and came back (which was often, about every ten-twenty minutes) they'd be carrying two beers, haha, so they got drunk pretty fast and ended up taking over the seats me and my friend had (there were empty seats behind us so it was fine for us to just move there) and dancing and singing crazily. I fucking loved their energy, though. And during Rise Against almost everybody, seats included, were standing--myself and my friend included, of course (mostly because we couldn't see because of the guys in front of us, but I was having the hardest time sitting still during FM so it was great to stand for RA). This concert was amazing though, a really great show with three great bands. I was able to get a shirt, too, because my friend is amazing--I had ten that my mom gave me for drinks, hers had given her money for a t-shirt--and she had enough for two t-shirts :D I managed to find the set list for Rise Against at setlist.fm, which is here!

2011-09-27T10:13:00.004-04:00

i walk on wounds that seldom prove to slow me down i laugh this constant pain away so you can't tell

but there it lies under the smiles it drains me mile after mile but seldom proves to slow me down

2011-09-26T19:10:00.002-04:00

2011-09-26T19:09:00.001-04:00

"You learn best by reading a lot and writing a lot, and the best lessons of all are the ones you teach yourself."

On Writing Stephen King

won tickets to rise against and flogging molly :D

2011-09-26T18:26:00.001-04:00

aaaaaaaah they’re coming here on sunday and i knew that but i also knew i could never afford to go but then yesterday i’m on facebook and my fave radio station had a post saying they’d be giving away tickets soon so i sit here and listen for a bit and they say 9th caller or 6th emailer so i have an email ready and the minute they say go i sent it so then about twenty minutes later they did it again but i had no ready email so i’m nervous as hell trying to send the damned thing and nothing comes back so i assume i lost whatever it was worth it but tonight i’m making dinner and my mom comes in and says phone’s for me so i’m thinking, okay job, whatever, but nope, awesome lady calling to say i won :D i was so nervous though haha and in my excitement said screw food, ran to my room to message my best friend and haha maybe accidentally forgot to turn off a burner :P but who cares man i fucking love rise against (2nd fave band next to social d) so this is really fucking amazing for me :D

2011-09-26T13:36:00.000-04:00

if you lost everything in a moment would you notice? could you rebuild something so hopeless? are you hopeless?

and when you wake alone with no one left to hold you wont need to know all the things i know

paradise in every swimming pool paradise in every playground slide paradise fresh baked in the cookie jar

if i were you i would defend my innocence visually i would fight all that tried to rob me of that

because there's some things you just don't need to know

tragedy in the dentist's office tragedy in every skinned knee tragedy spilled all over the kitchen floor

i don't need a generation of burning on the ledge don't need your ancient wisdom two things i'll live without

2011-09-25T00:37:00.001-04:00

about face; a shade of gray; brothers in arms; doubt; lessons learned; middle man;

no way out; profiler, profiled; somebody's watching; the slave of duty;

5 same cap, different tools; 5 artist's choice; 5 random;

2011-09-24T20:51:00.002-04:00

ugh i wanted to post all this ages ago when it actually happened but then i was sick on and off all september and it really hit me two weeks ago and all this past week i was mostly lying around in bed because it got really bad but it seems to be going away now so hopefully it actually stays away this time but anyway this stuff that happened in september i wanted to post about: september fifteenth was my dog's birthday (or well we got her from the neighbour around that date so yeah) and i think she turned five but meh i don't know for sure but yeah me and my mom went to the dollar store and got her a couple toys--seriously she murders the damned things so no way we're spending five dollars one one toy--and some treats and uhm a bow as well but my mom got annoyed at the camera so no pictures (yet) so yay! shadow :D and the day after i went to the western fair--yearly fair we have here and it's not the greatest fair but it's still fun--with my best friend and uhm it was really great actually it's amazing how you can feel so shitty and miserable for an entire week and just one afternoon at a fair with a great friend can bring you of that :) yeah went on some rides, won lots of toys :P (my dog ended up getting a few of those haha) so yeah that's all that i wanted to say really

2011-09-24T11:41:00.001-04:00

he took a long drag on the cigarette, inhaled the smoke slowly, grinned around the cancer stick as that sense of calm familiarity overwhelmed him; he swallowed the poison and drowned his lungs. he didn't care, though: if smoking did steal seven or ten or thirteen years from his life he wouldn't care as long as his last years were spent playing music.

2011-09-15T20:59:00.002-04:00

(source)

2011-09-15T11:42:00.000-04:00

took a long hard look at my life lost my way while i was fighting the time
a big black cloud stormy sky followed me oh i was living a lie
so heartless so selfish so in darkness when all your nights are starless
you're running outta hope but i found the strength inside to see
found the better part of me and i'll never let it go
i've come a long long way made a lot of mistakes
but i'm breathin breathin that's right and i mean it mean it
this time i'm a little run down i've been living out loud
i could beat it beat it that's right cause i'm feelin feelin invincible

2011-09-15T00:32:00.002-04:00

doesn't anybody know how to walk anymore

doesn't anybody know what a radio's for

doesn't anybody wear their hair down low

doesn't any body know doesn't anybody know

doesn't anybody hate it when a street light turns red

doesn't anybody want five more minutes in bed

doesn't anybody doesn't anybody have a letter to send

doesn't anybody wish they had just one more friend

cause everybody wants and every body needs

and everybody asks for one more piece

everybody wants to hear someone say please

cause everybody takes and everybody steals

everybody cries when something feels

everybody's looking for the drug that heals

doesn't anybody want to take another shot at me

go ahead the gun is loaded and the bullets are for free

doesn't anybody spray perfume to cover up a smell

doesn't anybody know where to go to get some help

cause everybody wants every body needs

everybody begs for self esteem

why don't you get your mind out of the past

cause everybody takes and everybody steals

and everybody's been kicked by other heels

please raise your hands up in the air in the air

why dont you raise your hands up in the air

why don't you raise your raise your raise your

raise your raise your hands in the air

why don't you raise your hands up in the air

cause everybody wants

five fave supernatural characters

2011-09-14T23:47:00.001-04:00

DEAN

CASTIEL

ASH

ED AND HARRY

2011-09-14T01:07:00.003-04:00

reach out hold on tight i know it hurts but keep trying
and with your luck this won't be over quick

out of the blue it strikes you
whats left to catch but the fear of letting go?

2011-09-13T15:15:00.002-04:00

forgot about this...

2011-09-13T11:38:00.001-04:00

ill just do them all now because ill most likely forget about it again (and again and again)

TWO

i dunno. ive been feeling pretty miserable and depressed and worried lately and im not sleeping much again so i dont know whatever fits that

THREE

2010 was pretty fucking boring

things that happened: turned twenty--my best friend got me a book id been needing/wanting--the silence of the lambs by thomas harris because it was all i was missing from the original hannibal lector series (i didnt know about hannibal rising being a book until later that year when i saw it at talize and got it) uhm she mighta gotten me other stuff but that was the best thing haha and basically thats all my birthday was besides feeling pretty alone and blah about it because who the hell wants to celebrate getting older?

uhm i had issues with depression and anxiety and being sick a lot and missed a lot of school and my mom knew about it all basically but the school people didnt seem to care so i was kicked out for missing too much (it wasnt just absences that year but still) so yeah that was great but yeah i got into this adult school and got the two remaining credits i needed to graduate and yeah but hey i got my diploma this year :D

uhm i read a lot and watched a lot of movies because i was alone a lot but whatever

first zombiewalk! i loved it :) i dressed up as a fat old lady zombie and went out with my two best friends and my mom and it was pretty cool--my mom went as zombie marge :D

me and cort getting ready

me...

me, cort, and that chick to the right is cherry no idea who the hell the other people are...

and me and my mom :)

im surprised i was able to remember that much i cant really remember anything else now though :/

FOUR

i have none so whatever

FIVE

i loved yearbook. im not sure why, really...basically we took pictures, designed the pages, worked in photoshop, wrote captions and stories...all of which are some of my favourite hobbies so it was fun doing that for a class :)

SIX

i honestly wouldnt know i often contradict myself and put myself down even when ive done something that other people say ive done really well with...i guess the easiest way to answer this question is to just say what others have told me ive been good at because i guess that works? uh so heres a list (and i do understand that my way of typing out things kills the first one, haha): writing, doing crap in photoshop, photography, computer programming, anything business related, editing programs, corel programs, html, uhm random junk? i dunno. i was voted most likely to be a dog walker in the grade eight yearbook :D and have been told by people id make a good csi or lawyer :P

SEVEN

ugh i really hate my body but who doesnt? i guess id like to change some things but i dont wanna do anything unhealthy to achieve that because ive done stupid crap in the past that id rather never do again ya know?

EIGHT

ive never been texted :O

NINE

im single and i love it i dunno ive never dated and am not very interested mostly because i have trust issues but whatever

TEN

ugh i dunno id love to change a lot of things i guess right now id love to get glasses though

ELEVEN

lets not talk about this

TWELVE

animal abusers, hompohobes, racists...okay basically anyone who criticizes anybody else because of their race, gender, sexuality, etc. can just get the fuck away from me and the same goes for people who abuse animals, children, or just anyone in general

THIRTEEN

id love to get a job but other than that nothing really because id love to move out but i doubt i could save up enough by the end of the year so yeah

FOURTEEN

im going to be going to the fair on either thursday or friday so i guess im excited for that

FIFTEEN

im going to be wording this a bit differently but they're things im against (so yeah i feel strongly for causes supporting them, etc.) but it basically ties in with number twelve :) im also uber obsessive about music and movies :P

SIXTEEN

uhm id really rather not do this

SEVENTEEN

i worry about life a lot...i try to stay focused on the present and not worry about the future but sometimes i worry about what life will be like then because i know ive screwed it up bad so yeah

EIGHTEEN

reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come

lyrics by social distortion--reach for the sky, my fave song. its a great thing to live by because the past is gone and who really knows about the future? its best to just stay in the here and now instead of trying to focus too much on something that happened or may never happen (although as i said in the last response i sometimes still do

NINETEEN

i dont have a photo of that and basically i sat out on the porch with my dog and read a book because im so fucking cool

TWENTY

id say a 2-3 sorry i just feel like that a lot lately :/

TWENTY-ONE

-0000000000000

TWENTY-TWO

ohgod this would be so hard :/

TWENTY-THREE

i can tell you that youve spelled academically incorrectly...uhm i failed so badly in high school and was always told i was smarter than i seemed and had potential blahblah but i was just having so many issues and found it hard to really focus on school

TWENTY-FOUR

today i have eaten oatmeal, drank a cup of pepsi, two cups of coffee, plan on drinking more coffee, water, having a lettuce and tomato toasted sandwich no idea what ill eat later for dinner maybe vegetable mr noodle noodles but actually i may not eat anything cause i feel crappy blah well wait and see

TWENTY-FIVE

hmm i cant do this because there are no older pictures of me on the computer but the most recent picture of me is this: (with my aunt and uncle last christmas)

TWENTY-SIX

ugh great taste in music and movies would be lovely i also like dark hair and green eyes haha

TWENTY-SEVEN

i am bisexual and yeah i guess it is possible because some people just dont feel attraction to the same gender so yeah whatever

TWENTY-EIGHT

i dont need to buy anything oh wait i guess i need some more jeans/hoodies for winter but yeah im poor :P

TWENTY-NINE

i have no idea

THIRTY!!! ITS THE END OMG!!!!

hmm tumblr is pretty amazing actually i love the reblog feature because im too lazy to upload my own stuff most of the time and my followers are great and uhm oh everybody on there seems really nice ya know? its hard to explain :P the ask box limitations suck donkey balls, the new dashboard is confusing and i have no idea how to feed my lastfm artists weekly anymore :O

2011-09-12T16:04:00.001-04:00

city and colour (dallas green) covering alexisonfire's happiness by the kilowatt :)

2011-09-11T00:16:00.000-04:00

have you ever heard a thunder bolt voice your name?

dragging the moisture from the air i am so dry

let me get a sip of what you want me to say
i am so thirsty dragging the moisture from the air

2011-09-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

Daily Horoscope: Capricorn
You may feel like you aren't getting the attention you need or deserve, Capricorn. Because of this, you may resent the people you feel you should be getting it from. This attitude is likely to make people less likely to come to your rescue. Who wants to be around someone so needy and unhappy? Focus on yourself and your own healing before you take your issues to others.

Uhm...I hate attention but I do feel invisible often.
Help? Nobody wants to give it, and I don't exactly want it.

I'm not needy but I am unhappy. Blah.
Yes sir I shall focus on my own healing.
And I'm fine keeping my issues to myself, thanks.

2011-09-08T16:07:00.000-04:00

* Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.
* NO CAPTIONS! It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.
* They must ALREADY be on your hard drive. They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past. They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.

2011-09-07T12:02:00.002-04:00

it feels so pointless is anyone there where is your faith that keeps you moving
who decides how far we go who walks behind us in case we trip over the smallest crack

am i unworthy these things can only be said so many times before they become our fears

and i find myself swimming farther than i ever planned to go out in this lost ocean this lost ocean

perfection will never over power us perfection will never over power us

don't hide from the light they can't burn bright forever

and i find myself swimming farther than i ever planned to go out in this lost ocean, ocean

i still feel hate reaching out to save me it's deep down oh but it's there

2011-09-06T19:27:00.002-04:00

BOYS LIKE GIRLS - ON TOP OF THE WORLD

look up the stars are fading and i am still here

waiting to see you again be with you my friend

when the moon is gone forever i hope you're up there somewhere

i'll see you again be with you my friend

YELLOWCARD - SEE ME SMILING

all i can do is keep you closer now

cause i know you're somewhere out there looking down

wherever you are wherever you are i hope you can see me smiling now

JOHNNY CASH - I STILL MISS SOMEONE

at my door the leaves are falling a cold wild wind will come

sweethearts walk by together and i still miss someone

oh no i never got over those blues eyes i see them every where

i miss those arms that held me when all the love was there

BEE GEES - WISH YOU WERE HERE

i wish you were here drying these tears i cry

they were good times it's that time of year for being alone

but you're dealing with a heart of stone try to kiss and say goodbye

try to throw our love away and that storm will blow

CITY AND COLOUR - MISSING (SERRAVALLE)

so now you're not there but your ghost still burns in the air

finally above us the waves have come to take you away

and with this song i'll say goodbye

and thank you for what you've done to my life

and finally i'll say it with love

i hope you're at rest in the stars above

JAMES HORNER - AN OCEAN OF MEMORIES

instrumental

2011-09-02T22:58:00.002-04:00

we all suffer from insecurity

lost in a one track mind

2011-08-31T23:45:00.000-04:00

there are too many people in this world
trying to shout their names
how am i supposed to know where to run?
but i don't know who's to blame
and i give people something along the way
is it ok to be afraid of love if you don't understand it?

2011-08-31T23:38:00.000-04:00

you can't reach him, dean.

you're outside your coverage zone.

what're you gonna do to sam?
nothing. he's going to do it to himself.

what's that supposed to mean? oh right, right. better toe the company line. why are you here, cas?

we've been through much together, you and i;

i just wanted to say i'm sorry it ended like this.

sorry? it's armageddon, cas, you're gonna need a bigger word than "sorry."

try to understand; this is long foretold, this is your-- destiny?

don't give me that "holy" crap, destiny, god's plan...

it's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch!

it's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line!

you know what's real? people, families - that's real.

and you're gonna watch them all burn?

what is so worth saving?! i see nothing but pain here;

i see inside you, i see your guilt, your anger, confusion.

in paradise, all is forgiven. you'll be at peace. even with sam.

you can take your peace...and shove it up your lily-white ass.

cause i'll take the pain and the guilt. i'll even take sam as is.

it's a lot better than being some stepford bitch in paradise.

this is simple, cas! no more crap about being a good soldier;

there is a right, and there is a wrong here, and you know it.

look at me! you know it!

and you were gonna help me once, weren't you?

you were gonna warn me about all this,

before they dragged you back to bible camp.

help me, now. please.

...what would you have me do?

get me to sam, we can stop this before it's too late!

i do that, we will all be hunted! we'll all be killed!

if there's anything worth dying for, this is it...

you spineless, soulless son of a bitch!

what do you care about dying?

you're already dead. we're done.

dean!

we're done!

2011-08-30T20:15:00.000-04:00

no one ever thought this one would survive

helpless child gonna walk a drum beat behind

lock you in a dream never let you go

never let you laugh or smile not you

making friends with a homeless torn up man

he just kind of smiles it really shakes me up

there's danger on every corner but i'm okay

walking down the street trying to forget yesterday

you know that life really takes its toll

and a poet's gut reaction is to search his very soul

so much damn confusion before my eyes

but nothing seems to phase me and this one still survives

well i just want to walk right out of this world

cause everybody has a poison heart

2011-08-29T23:58:00.001-04:00

alone in this place and i feel comfortable

i seem to always hold on for too long

i always hold on too long i always hold on too long

when we are it complicates and oscillates

between fear and bravery is it inside of me?

(is it inside of me is it inside of me?

is it inside of me is it inside of me?)

when we are it complicates and oscillates

between fear and bravery, is it inside of me?

(run for your lives judas survived christ version anti

run for your lives judas survived christ version anti)

2011-08-29T23:34:00.003-04:00

(cover images from stock.xchng)

2011-08-29T23:22:00.002-04:00

promises we plan to break are made in whispered voices cause our despair knows many names
we make mistakes but we apologize with roses we never stop to smell along the way

2011-08-27T17:22:00.001-04:00

2011-08-25T21:32:00.002-04:00

we've sent people into space without even really knowing if they're ever gonna come back down
and there are people asking just where i am; is it ok to be afraid of hope if you don't know how to keep it?

2011-08-22T15:53:00.002-04:00

my personal hobbies are reading

listening to music and silence

--Edith Sitwell

2011-08-17T21:51:00.000-04:00

2011-08-17T21:45:00.002-04:00

TOP SHELF

Dean Koontz: Life Expectancy, Midnight, Mr. Murder, Odd Hour, Phantoms,
Seize the Night, The Eyes of Darkness, The Door to December, Watchers
Michael Crichton: Airframe, Congo, Jurassic Park, Next,
Spheres, The Great Train Robbery, The Lost World
Max Allan Collins: CSI: Cold Burn, CSI: Killing Game, The London Blitz Murders
JK Rowling: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, ...Chamber of Secrets,

...Prisoner of Azkaban , ...Goblet of Fire, ...Order of the Phoenix

JRR Tolkien: The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring,

...the Two Towers, ...Return of the King

SECOND SHELF
Stephen King: Bag of Bones, Carrie, Christine, Cujo, Dolores Claiborne, Dreamcatcher, Duma Key, Firestarter,
Four Past Midnight, From A Buick 8, IT, Insomnia, Misery, Nightmares and Dreamscapes, Night Shift,
Pet Sematary, Salem's Lot, Skeleton Crew, The Dark Half, The Dead Zone, The Drawing of the Three,
The Green Mile (The Complete Serial Novel), The Shining, The Stand (The Complete and Uncut Edition),
The Tommyknockers, Blaze (writing as Richard Bachman), The Regulators (writing as Richard Bachman),
The Running Man (writing as Richard Bachman), Thinner (writing as Richard Bachman)

THIRD SHELF
Illustrated Classics: A Christmas Carol, Anne of Green Gables, Heidi, Little Women
Moby Dick, Swiss Family Robinson, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The Wind in the Willows

Two copies of The Wizard of OZ by L. Frank Baum
Swiss Family Robinson by Jean Rudolph Wyss
An Archie comic :P
10, 000 Dreams Interpreted
These actually belong to my best friend: Canadian Ghost Stories,
Canadian Crime Investigations, and The Encyclopedia of Urban Legends
And a book on photography I borrowed from my mom's BF

TOP LEFT CUBBY
Marvel comics
Graphic novels: CSI: Dominoes, CSI: Serial, Fantastic Four Flesh and Stone Iron Man: Armour Wars
Iron Man: Tales of the Golden Avenger, Marvel Age Fantastic 4 Volume 1: All for One,Wolverine Origin

TOP RIGHT CUBBY

DC and independent label comics

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Jigsaw Book

Crime Scenes: Revealing the Science Behind the Evidence by Paul Roland,

Greatest Mysteries of the Unexplained by Lucy Doncaster and Andrew Holland

The Art of Sleepy Hollow, UFOs and Aliens by Chris Evans

MIDDLE LEFT CUBBY
Thomas Harris: Hannibal, Hannibal Rising, Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs
Robert Ludlum: The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum

Movie novelizations: Spider-Man 2 by Peter David, King Kong by Christopher Golden,
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer by Daniel Josephs, E.T. by William Kotzwinkle
X-Files: Ground Zero by Kevin J. Anderson, House of Bones by Dale Bailey, A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess,

Best American Short Stories 2005 edited by Michael Chabon, A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens,

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Xombies by Walter Greatshell,

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, The Jungle Books by Rudyard Kipling, The Witch of Babylon by D.J. McIntosh,
Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, Batman: Inferno by Alex Irvine, The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, The Ruins by Scott Smith, Gulliver's Travels by Johnathan Swift, The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson,

The Amityville Horror II by John G. Jones, The Black Donnellys: The Outrageous Tale of Canada's Deadliest Feud by Nate Hendley

MIDDLE RIGHT CUBBY
Tony and Susan by Austin Wright, The Adventures of a Notorious Youth: Capt. Hook by J.V. Hart,

Marley and Me by John Grogan, The Odyssey by Homer, World War Z by Max Brooks,
Break No Bones by Kathy Reichs, Dark Gold by David Angsten, Kilter: 55 Fictions by John Gould,
some books my mom got me I can't remember what, the 2005 World Almanac

BOTTOM LEFT CUBBY
DVDs: 28 Days Later, Club Dread, Dogma*, Dude, Where's My Car?, Fantastic 4, King Kong (2005)
Night of the Living Dead, Return to Treasure Island, Se7en, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2,

Spider-Man 3, Spy Kids, Star Wars Episode V: the Emperor Strikes Back, Super Troopers,

The Cake Eaters, The Boondock Saints, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Frightening,

The Goonies, Thunderbirds, X-Men, X2: X-Men United

VHS: Animatrix, Batman, Batman Forever, Mallrats, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone,
...the Chamber of Secrets, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Raising Arizona,
Scooby Doo Meets Batman, Signs, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Wizard of OZ, Titanic

*just the special features disc; never trust pawn shops i guess :P

BOTTOM RIGHT CUBBY
Just cups I collect--a Spider-Man mug, a Donkey cup from McDonalds, some old McDonalds Batman cups...

2011-08-12T11:27:00.001-04:00

2011-08-11T13:05:00.000-04:00